Fear and Form

Are you driven to do something great? To make a difference and shape the world around you? We may not be able to move things or construct things with our minds alone, but we are capable of much more than we allow ourselves to believe. What stops us from taking action on what must be done is simple. It is fear that cripples us and paralyzes us. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, or fearing something dangerous. Without being careless and naive, we can wade through many mental blocks if we simply accept the chance of failing and to take calculated risks into the unknown.

My life was molded by my fear.

Many times, I have had great opportunities but allowed a fearful mind to bind me and limit my potential. You see, I used to hate money. I thought a world without it was possible, so I feared trying to make money or learn a high value skill. I feared student loan debt, so I forfeited an opportunity to attend The Art Institute in Pasadena CA that would help me become a concept artist for the film and gaming industry. I have had several opportunities to join the military. I was offered a position to work on a farm that taught and practiced permaculture, but I declined the offer as I was in northern California and was afraid to leave a ranch I had just moved to. I have had the opportunity to become a firefighter. I could’ve become a logger Since I ran equipment in the woods, and construction equipment with my Heavy Equipment school I had done for 2 years. I was afraid to be a firefighter due to the danger of fire. I was afraid to be a logger since it’s the most dangerous trade in the country after underwater welding, and electric line working.

Fear had its greatest hold on me when I was driving semi-trucks in the spring of 2023 to get my commercial Class A license. I had a fear of driving something the size of a building through and around town, with the possibility of hurting someone or losing control due to incorrect shifting or braking. Until it becomes an instinct, driving a semi to me takes everything to do. You use both legs to control your acceleration, braking and clutch to shift. You use your arm as well to shift. There are various other buttons, levers and gauges to watch. Spatial awareness is huge. Let’s just say it’s a massive amount of multitasking for someone like me that can only pay attention to maybe one or two things at a time.

My recent battle against fear.

After the trucking school I did in 2023, I did not get my commercial drivers license. This failure, as well as various challenging obstacles economically, and emotionally. My marriage faced huge hurdles this past two years, rooted in my endless-want, worry, unhappiness, and coveting of many things. So, from 2023 to November of 2024 I was in a toxic cycle of negativity, doubt, jealousy, and anger which took a massive toll on my mental health and hurt my marriage as a result. I had become lazy, idle, unmotivated and not a good husband to my wife. I was unstable with my work. I have always been employed, but I moved jobs frequently due to my dissatisfaction with wages and raising life expenses. I have also previously been inconsistent and unreliable.

My obsession with buying land and homesteading had caused me to dream the future of what could be. I reminisced on the past. My head was in the clouds. I would sit down to create and study but usually that meant dreaming and scheming and talking about what “I would do” but never start a project to iterate and learn from. I couldn’t execute on projects well either. And most of all, I had been undecisive for my entire life until 8 months ago. Everything changed though when enough happened in my life for me to hit rock bottom and be cast into a pit of self-pity and despair.

But God. He used this all to strengthen and transform me.

Then, God helped me in my darkest hour and showed me I needed a paradigm shift. I needed Gratitude, emotional endurance, mental toughness. God also showed me I needed to be decisive and be quick with my decisions. Something I needed was gratitude rooted in a growth mindset. I also desperately needed daily faith in God. Living day by day has been the most lifechanging thing I could do.

Do not worry and have joy in all things.

Below, are some verses in scripture that frame and provide context for what I’m writing about. I needed to change my mindset and so I am.

These first two quotes from the book of Matthew in the New Testament explain why we don’t need to worry or be anxious. Now to be clear, Jesus is talking about people who believe and follow him are those that don’t need to worry in this specific context. This free gift is open to everyone, but many won’t take it as humans naturally want to be the captain of their destiny. To be our own gods.

Back to my point, though. If we adopt this mindset with everything, we encounter we will be far happier than sulking in our pain and worry. You don’t need to believe in in God or Jesus to feel and act out gratitude. However, I would suggest that one misses the point and purpose of negative experiences if you don’t have a Christian Lense. I’m not here to convert or convince you of anything, I’m just reviewing my thought process and mental frame works for overcoming fear. Take what you find value in and discard the rest. And most of all, do your own research!

And now the verses on anxiety and fear.

The next three quotes are on contentment with what has been given.

As well as finding Joy in all circumstances.

What Job said in this last quote is after God killed all his livestock and all of his children. This is one great reason to be faithful and grateful in all things. God used this disaster to show Satan that Job’s love for the lord was genuine, and unbreakable. After losing everything Job also got sores and rashes while laying on a trash heap and nearly died of infection. After a good deal of time God restored everything back to Job with additional blessings. Having faith in the lord and joy with all you encounter in life is certain to come with rewards.

Reforming myself.

So back to my life. It’s 2025, my habits have been changing, and as a result I am changing my form. For example.

• I wake up earlier.

• I write every morning and evening.

• I walk almost every day.

• I have two active jobs.

• I am taking vitamins and supplements a lot more often.

• I practice MMA at a dojo in my town.

• I spend time working on my home more and setting up my garden in the backyard.

• I’m more intentional with spending time with my wife.

• I eat better. More protein, veggies and fruits. Almost no bread or carbs. I still eat rice, quinoa, sweet potatoes and potatoes.

• I have lost 15 lbs.

I’m using my experiences my interests, and what I have learned on my path to make content for an anthology of my work I want to publish when complete. I also will create a myriad of educational and digital products as I progress.

This is my first Newsletter, but this will play a part in my future as a writer. As I will take what I write here and accumulate my best ideas and life lessons which I have learned and want to share with anyone who may find my writing useful or valuable.

While I read, listen, learn and experience I will be constantly writing.

 Mini essays

Atomic notes

Kore notes

If you aren’t familiar with these three-note taking and writing systems, I will give you several links to YouTube channels with many resources and videos which have been helping me learn, record and apply what I learn in my writing.

The Atomic Note:

I found out about this note taking system from the YouTube channel Odysseas. His Channel is a wealth of knowledge.

The Mini Essay

This link is weird because my browser kept restricting these 3 videos to me even though I can view them on my phone. As a result, i can’t list individual links, just use the link for the search above this. All three are from Odysseas.

The Kore Note

Dan Koe and his team at Kortex created this with inspiration from the Zettelkasten note system which uses note cards. Similar to how Ryan Holiday, the author of the daily stoic takes his notes.

This note system was made famous by Niklas Luhmann, who was a social scientist that published 50 books and 600 articles, with much more work that he left unpublished.

The Kore note is based on fundamental elements which Dan started using for his own content. These are all intended to be attention grabbing for the writer’s audience.

Capturing and holding the attention of your readers.

• Problem

• Goal

• Benefit

• Example

Get your audience to remember your ideas.

• Concept

• Process

• Big Idea

Here is a slide show that was shared with the cohort community from the Kortex writers bootcamp I was in back in March and April of this year. I hope this helps you as it has helped me. Kortex and kore notes are changing the way I write.

I’m still not great at making them yet, but I’m using the elements and this general framework to more clearly share my ideas in all that I write. This can apply to my physical common place books, or on my computer or phone.

I hope you gained something of value from this article, as a lot went in to it. And this personal development quest of facing fear and finding form is one of many things I’m passionate about. Writing and reading connect us to all other facets of our own life. This is why I will often post about writing, books, learning, reading, and most of all doing. Thank you for reading.

I appreciate having your time and attention.

It is invaluable, remember that.

-Andrew Alvarado